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Coping With Bereavement; Is There Anything Which Can Help?

By Ralph Cotton on Jun. 27, 2009.

By: Roseanna Leaton

The movie “Gran Torino” begins, and ends, with a funeral. There is mention of the bitter and sweet aspects of death, and questions as to whether death is an end or a beginning. Some of us believe in reincarnation or at least an after-life, whilst others do not.

No matter what your beliefs are about the after-life, it is hard for those left in this world to feel happy when trying to cope with the loss of someone who you dearly love. I can still see my mother’s expression during her mother’s, my grand-mothers, funeral. I can clearly remember how strong she was, how she talked about the funeral ceremony being one of celebration as opposed to loss; celebration at a wonderful and long life, and a beautiful person. These words belied the tears held back in my mother’s eyes. She was determined not to cry that day and she didn’t, not then; she cried beforehand and afterwards but not then. It was her tribute to her mother.

I only discovered in recent years that my mother has taken sleeping pills ever since my father died. Sleepless nights are all too familiar to those who are doing their best to cope with loss. Memories, worries and fears circle around one’s mind and your emotions are turned inside-out and upside down. You turn into yourself and don’t feel that anyone can help. All you can do is take one day at a time and focus on the practicalities of day to day life. Days seem to pass in a complete blur, until eventually you realize that you have got through it; it is as if you have moved through a dark and damp tunnel and have finally reached daylight once again.

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